Excerpt from Chapter 21 --- Snake Oil
The Cosmic Fly Swatter
The Reverend Bridger T. Hightower had landed in Snake Oil City when he got to New Orleans. I don’t mean New Orleans per se at any given moment in time excepting perhaps the present day. I’m sure folks from New Orleans could fill us in on the most notorious sake oil salesmen in their memories, for all towns and cities alike always have members of this particular species of humans lurking in their midst. And they are ever eager in their pursuit of pecuniary emoluments. The name Sammie Le Favre comes to my mind. But to the point, I mean to say that BT Hightower had converged himself on a town of such devastation, a town engulfed so wholly in a long recovery from the Wrath of Katrina, that it is no wonder that he was taken in so readily as a purveyor of those recoveries that the good religion of Christianity had to offer.
Recoveries of any kind often draw the specialties of the snake oil salesman. To understand this, it is useful to consider just what produces these fellows. We must remember that ex nihilo, nihilo fit, nothing comes from nothing. And the term snake oil is no exception. If you are the kind of person that bristles and cringes when you hear references to the Bible, I suggest that you insert some earplugs, just in case, and read on. It would defy logic to claim that this term of snake oil had its origins in anything other than the first chapter of the book known as Genesis. Where else in Sam Hell could it have come from, anyway? In Throckmorton’s story of the Wind Chasers of Skykhad, it is true that Ido broke a bottle of snake oil causing some confusion, but this story is chronologically thousands of years later. I think it is clear that the term snake oil had its beginnings in Genesis, the book of beginnings.
When anyone tries to sell you something whose real benefits serve the seller alone, you have just purchased snake oil. If you happen to get a psychic boost from the purchase of such an elixir or tonic making you feel better temporarily, you have purchased not only the bottle, but also a year’s membership in Club Cultus Cheerleadicus. This can be quite invigorating like a good workout, and at least you will be in shape when your membership runs out, when you Re-Member yourself. Your next stop will be the Twilight Zone where you will spend your time bartering the terms and provisions of a second rate membership in Suckerdom.
In the first story from which snake oil got its name, you’ll remember that Queen Eve of Eden was told that she would be like God if she bought the apple and ate it. The Serpent did some word mincing in the delivery of his sales pitch. And to this day Snake Oil Salesmen have all relied on this very technique. But a servant is not greater than his master so it is safe to say that not even the greatest of today’s SOS’s is so clever as the Serpent himself. And the image of that first unprofitable negotiation that mankind undertook is still present and ongoing in all the walks of life...
Is there a main ingredient to Snake Oil? Is there one element that is always used? Well, we are not privy to the trade secrets of its manufacturers, but we are almost certain that they all use varying styles of Language Arts in the production of these elixirs.
There is a whole chapter in The Cosmic Fly Swatter dedicated to this topic, and all the main categories are outlined in great detail. We hope to explore much of this on this page. Check back after New Years and we will have more. You will witness first hand just what premium grade snake oil production is all about. We may even produce and market our own brand.